so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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