that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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