i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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