the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
