A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
