I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
