Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
