yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
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