You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
