he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
