is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
this will be a night to untag.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Randomize
