i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
