are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Randomize
