chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize