She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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