Don't you send me to vm
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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