is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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