return my video game
i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
