Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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