at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
How naked do you want me to be?
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