I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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