Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
