I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
