addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
