I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
