Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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