Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
