I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Randomize
