..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
