Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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