dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
