Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
