Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
