I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
