just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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