Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Randomize
