I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
