my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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