The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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