She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Randomize