Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
