I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
