Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
