well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
