Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
