I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
