You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
