I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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