I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
