...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
We need to get me chipped asap
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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