Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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