he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
