The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
