Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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