therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
it hurts more in the daytime
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
There's always time for handjobs
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
