im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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