But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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