i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
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