My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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