You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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