Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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