his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
