I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
