Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Randomize
