what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
