Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
