Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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