Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
