I think I died a long time ago.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
